I have been on and off the wagon, foodwise, a number of times. The list of things I shouldn't eat, for various reasons, is long and comprehensive. It is a true challenge to faithfully live according to the list. It makes my food world very very small and difficult.
Added to the challenge of the List is the fact that I have a very emotional response to food. I have long been an emotional eater. I've said many times, "I've yet to meet an emotion that didn't feel better with food." On top of that, I have inherited an addictive tendency, which definitely comes into play with food.
This is the main reason I don't use any other potentially addictive substances (I don't drink, smoke or do drugs): Besides all of the other health and well-being reasons to not do these things, I know that if I had the relationship with anything else that I have with food, my life would be a complete mess!
A while back, I fell off the food wagon again, diving headlong into dairy, wheat, sugar, chocolate, etc. I still manage to stay away from the biggest "baddies"- eggs, soy, and almonds- even when I'm stuffing my face with everything else, but the rest of it is plenty. I often dabble in the forbidden foods, even when I'm being "good," because none of the consequences seemed that serious. I've done a lot of, "Yeah, that's a price I'm willing to pay, for the chance to eat that cupcake" kind of thinking.
Just recently, I finally came to a realization that has changed my tune. Dramatically.
I think I have figured out some of my random wheat symptoms, and this spooked me enough to yank my wheels back on track!
My wheat reactions have seemed sort of random and unconnected, so I didn't take them very seriously...If I eat wheat, the skin over my knuckles starts to crack and bleed, and I would get this cough at night. I couldn't figure it out. I used hand lotion and tried to drink more water. I spent a lot of nights sleeping on the couch, sitting up straight, since that was the only thing that seemed to help the cough. I had definitely made a connection between eating wheat and those two specific reactions, but it didn't make sense. I knew they were linked, but not why.
Here is what I've come to understand:
***The Bleeding hands: Refined wheat flour is an inflammatory food. I believe that when I eat wheat, it causes inflammation all through my digestive system. An inflamed system cannot absorb water well. I eat wheat, inflammation happens, my body can't properly process water, I dehydrate quickly, and it shows up in fragile skin that splits open and bleeds. This also means that my body isn't able to properly absorb nutrients from my food, so though I can't see it, I'm sure I go into nutritional decline as well.
***The Cough. This has been a problem for years, but I could never figure it out. I used to think it was caused by my dabbling in the dairy world. Nope. Then I wondered if there was some specific allergen in our bedroom that would cause me to start coughing within thirty minutes to an hour after going to bed. I finally made the connection that it happened reliably when I ate wheat- even a little bit. Just in the past two weeks, I think I've finally figured it out. A nagging, non-productive cough is one of the symptoms of acid reflux. I had never thought of that, since I wasn't having the pain I experienced with heartburn while pregnant. Then one recent day, all of the puzzle pieces suddenly fell into place.
Cough= acid reflux. Acid reflux leads to G.E.R.D. - GastroEsophageal Reflux Disease. Untreated G.E.R.D. dramatically increases the risk for esophageal cancer!!!!!! Oh. Okay.
Much as I love cupcakes, no cupcake in the world is worth cancer!!!!!!!!!
Suddenly cured of the desire to dabble.
Sad that it took the idea of cancer to make me finally take this seriously, but hopefully I've made the change in time to save myself from that fate!
I'm not sure why wheat causes such reliable acid reflux, but it does,
and it doesn't take more than a tiny bit to start that chain reaction.
Oh! I just remembered- now there's a new suspicion I'm entertaining about the effects of wheat on my body. Sometime in the past year or two, my sister shared something on facebook about effects of wheat gluten on the body. It mentioned muscle weakness as one. That made a lot of sense to me. In the past, I've had times when, for as much as a week, one or both of my hands would be inexplicably weak. I would be holding things and just drop them for no reason. When I read that information, it made sense to me. As I've cut back on wheat in general, I have noticed an improvement in this.
Now I've started to make another connection along those lines.
***The Swallowing. For years, I have had some trouble with swallowing. Whenever I eat pretty much anything, but especially anything remotely starchy, I HAVE to have water to drink or the food quickly gets stuck in my throat. This is both scary and painful. It's an awful, choking sensation, and my diaphragm would start spasming, giving me very painful hiccups. I definitely make sure I have water on hand when I eat! I think half-melted ice cream is the only thing that doesn't cause this.
I've always just thought I had inefficient peristaltic action. Peristalsis is the muscle action that moves things through us, from swallowing all the way through the digestive process. For years, I've just though this didn't work well in me. I also know that my Grandma Jessie had a lot of trouble, for years and years, with food sticking in her throat and choking her, so I thought maybe it was a genetic thing.
I think I may be figuring this out, for myself at least. I wonder now if it is connected to that gluten=muscle weakness situation. I wonder if the wheat I ate all these years was causing weakness in my swallowing muscles. I wonder if that's why I've had so much trouble.
Ohhhhh. I wonder if the acid reflux could also be connected to muscle weakness. The sphincter muscle at the top of the stomach is what is supposed to contain stomach acids. If that muscle were weakened, acid would leak up into the esophagus. Ohhhh. I think I'm starting to see more of the pattern.
It is my hope, since I'm finally taking seriously the damage that wheat does to me, and the dire possibilities of continued dabbling, that as I truly cut wheat out of my diet altogether, I will see improvement in this whole choking issue.
It would be so awesome if, by just not eating wheat, I could solve this long-term and scary problem!
At long last, I have enough serious reasons to cut wheat completely out of my world.
Dehydration and bleeding hands? Yup.
Constant danger of choking? Oh yeah.
CANCER??!!! Most definitely!!!
Wednesday, February 6, 2013
Wednesday, January 23, 2013
Cornbread That Won't Kill Me! :D
I pondered several different cornbread recipes, before patch-working my own gluten-free version to try.
Here's what I did:
Preheat oven to 400 degrees.
Lightly grease a nine-inch glass pie dish. I used a bit of Spectrum for this.
Combine:
* 1 1/4 cups *milk*
[I used So Delicious unsweetened coconut milk]
* 1 Tbsp. vinegar
[I used distilled white- it's what I had. I prefer apple cider vinegar.]
Stir together and let sit. It will get all clumpy. This takes the place of buttermilk very nicely.
Combine:
* 1 1/2 cups cornmeal
* 1/2 cup *flour*
[I used 1/4 cup millet flour, then on the second 1/4 cup I filled the cup halfway with potato starch and topped it off with more millet flour. So, the exact measurements would be 1/4 cup + 2 Tablespoons millet flour and 2 Tablespoons potato starch, or 3/8 cup millet flour & 1/8 cup potato starch. It would probably also work well with a basic gluten-free flour mix.]
* (2 tsp.) baking powder- this was too much. Next time, I'll try 1 or 1 1/2 teaspoons.
* 1/2 tsp. xanthan gum
* 1/2 tsp. baking soda
* 1 tsp. salt
* 1 or 2 Tbsp. sugar
[I think I used one Tbsp. of sugar. I knew we would put honey on it, so kept it less sweet.]
Stir all the dry ingredients together well. I usually use a wire whisk for this- it works well.
Cut into dry ingredients:
* 1/4 cup shortening [I used Spectrum non-hydrogenated shortening]
Cut in well with a pastry blender, until there are no big clumps left.
Combine:
* 1 1/2 tsp. Ener-G Egg Replacer powder
* 2 Tbsp. *milk* [I used So Delicious unsweetened coconut milk]
[Make sure this is really well combined, with no clumps. I had a few clumps, even after whisking it well, so I think I'll put it through a wire strainer next time.]
Add soured milk mixture and egg replacer mixture to dry ingredients. Mix until combined, but don't overmix. Pour into prepared dish. Bake for 20 - 25 minutes, or until baked through in the center.
I loved this, cut open and spread with more Spectrum shortening and topped with honey. Agave nectar would also be really good on it, in place of honey.
Enjoy!
Here's what I did:
Preheat oven to 400 degrees.
Lightly grease a nine-inch glass pie dish. I used a bit of Spectrum for this.
Combine:
* 1 1/4 cups *milk*
[I used So Delicious unsweetened coconut milk]
* 1 Tbsp. vinegar
[I used distilled white- it's what I had. I prefer apple cider vinegar.]
Stir together and let sit. It will get all clumpy. This takes the place of buttermilk very nicely.
Combine:
* 1 1/2 cups cornmeal
* 1/2 cup *flour*
[I used 1/4 cup millet flour, then on the second 1/4 cup I filled the cup halfway with potato starch and topped it off with more millet flour. So, the exact measurements would be 1/4 cup + 2 Tablespoons millet flour and 2 Tablespoons potato starch, or 3/8 cup millet flour & 1/8 cup potato starch. It would probably also work well with a basic gluten-free flour mix.]
* (2 tsp.) baking powder- this was too much. Next time, I'll try 1 or 1 1/2 teaspoons.
* 1/2 tsp. xanthan gum
* 1/2 tsp. baking soda
* 1 tsp. salt
* 1 or 2 Tbsp. sugar
[I think I used one Tbsp. of sugar. I knew we would put honey on it, so kept it less sweet.]
Stir all the dry ingredients together well. I usually use a wire whisk for this- it works well.
Cut into dry ingredients:
* 1/4 cup shortening [I used Spectrum non-hydrogenated shortening]
Cut in well with a pastry blender, until there are no big clumps left.
Combine:
* 1 1/2 tsp. Ener-G Egg Replacer powder
* 2 Tbsp. *milk* [I used So Delicious unsweetened coconut milk]
[Make sure this is really well combined, with no clumps. I had a few clumps, even after whisking it well, so I think I'll put it through a wire strainer next time.]
Add soured milk mixture and egg replacer mixture to dry ingredients. Mix until combined, but don't overmix. Pour into prepared dish. Bake for 20 - 25 minutes, or until baked through in the center.
I loved this, cut open and spread with more Spectrum shortening and topped with honey. Agave nectar would also be really good on it, in place of honey.
Enjoy!
Thursday, September 27, 2012
Taking a Lesson From Sam
I had a conversation on Facebook yesterday, that got me thinking in a fresh way about what marriage really should be.
It started, of course, with Lord of the Rings. :)
"It got me thinking about Sam and Frodo. That is a beautiful picture of what marriage really should be- that lasting friendship, and deep loyalty, and that sense of 'I will be there, by your side, supporting you and helping you, even if it means we die together on a rock in Mordor. You will never be alone, because I will be there, no matter what!'
I love that! ♥
"You know, if in the marriage ceremony, God stood there in person and said something to the effect of, "Don't you leave him, Samwise Gamgee!!!" ...maybe people would approach marriage differently, if they realized that is really how God feels about marriage- even into the face of the fires of Mount Doom! Then maybe people would say, to the depth and extent of their whole being, 'I don't mean to!!!' and throw themselves into the river, and follow each other through the black valley, and truly have each other's back, no matter what!"
That is really what it should be.
It started, of course, with Lord of the Rings. :)
"It got me thinking about Sam and Frodo. That is a beautiful picture of what marriage really should be- that lasting friendship, and deep loyalty, and that sense of 'I will be there, by your side, supporting you and helping you, even if it means we die together on a rock in Mordor. You will never be alone, because I will be there, no matter what!'
I love that! ♥
"You know, if in the marriage ceremony, God stood there in person and said something to the effect of, "Don't you leave him, Samwise Gamgee!!!" ...maybe people would approach marriage differently, if they realized that is really how God feels about marriage- even into the face of the fires of Mount Doom! Then maybe people would say, to the depth and extent of their whole being, 'I don't mean to!!!' and throw themselves into the river, and follow each other through the black valley, and truly have each other's back, no matter what!"
That is really what it should be.
Wednesday, September 12, 2012
Is the Puppy Just Playing Me?
Hmmm....
I know that the Small Dog (who was a year old in June) is perfectly capable of surviving for several hours at at a time in her kennel crate when nobody is home.
So, when I am home and she comes to me with pleading eyes and pitiful little whines every half hour or hour, why do I always believe that she is in the most dire distress?
I do not know how to tell when she honestly needs to go out, and when she's just bored and wants to know if Outside is somehow more magically interesting at that moment in time.
Does she really need to go out so very often, when I'm home?
Or is she just playing me like a banjo?
I know that the Small Dog (who was a year old in June) is perfectly capable of surviving for several hours at at a time in her kennel crate when nobody is home.
So, when I am home and she comes to me with pleading eyes and pitiful little whines every half hour or hour, why do I always believe that she is in the most dire distress?
I do not know how to tell when she honestly needs to go out, and when she's just bored and wants to know if Outside is somehow more magically interesting at that moment in time.
Does she really need to go out so very often, when I'm home?
Or is she just playing me like a banjo?
Indispensible, That's What You Are.....
Every time I come home from a trip, I wonder whether I want this to truly be my theme song.
I'm never sure of the answer.
At the end of a busy trip, with a long, exhausting drive home, I feel even more tired when I see the things that weren't done while I was away.
Then I feel ungrateful, for not just appreciating all that was done during my absence.
Then I wonder- would I really like coming home and seeing that my absence made no difference whatsoever; that everything sailed along just as smoothly without me?
Does my disgruntled grumbling have a smug edge? A satisfied core? A sense of, "Well, obviously they do need me after all!"?
I think it does.
*sigh*
I came home from a trip last night. I made the drive in record time (not speeding- I just didn't stop much), but I'd made such a late start that I got home a little after eleven thirty at night.
I did notice, and appreciate, that the dishwasher was running.
I did notice, and appreciate, the baskets of clean laundry in the living room, that were washed while I was gone.
...
And I also found myself prowling around, looking for proof that they just can't do without me!
[giant eyeroll at myself!!!]
I took the rotting chicken from the fridge, and tossed it in the trash. [See! Without me, things just fall apart!]
I grumblingly watered houseplants. [Does nobody water these but me?! Every time I leave, the same plants are nearly dead by the time I come home!]
[giant eyeroll at self, followed by "face palm"]
I am certain I am not the only one who does this.
I do, in fact, suspect that this is a fairly common human condition,
but that does not make me any less disgusted with myself.
I think most of us probably wrestle at times with this quandary; this flip-flopping between appreciating proof that the world does not fall completely apart the moment we step out the door, and dismay at all that is neglected in our absence.
I'm sure it's not just me.
But still.....
[face palm, shaking head at my own relentlessly consistent inconsistency!]
I'm never sure of the answer.
At the end of a busy trip, with a long, exhausting drive home, I feel even more tired when I see the things that weren't done while I was away.
Then I feel ungrateful, for not just appreciating all that was done during my absence.
Then I wonder- would I really like coming home and seeing that my absence made no difference whatsoever; that everything sailed along just as smoothly without me?
Does my disgruntled grumbling have a smug edge? A satisfied core? A sense of, "Well, obviously they do need me after all!"?
I think it does.
*sigh*
I came home from a trip last night. I made the drive in record time (not speeding- I just didn't stop much), but I'd made such a late start that I got home a little after eleven thirty at night.
I did notice, and appreciate, that the dishwasher was running.
I did notice, and appreciate, the baskets of clean laundry in the living room, that were washed while I was gone.
...
And I also found myself prowling around, looking for proof that they just can't do without me!
[giant eyeroll at myself!!!]
I took the rotting chicken from the fridge, and tossed it in the trash. [See! Without me, things just fall apart!]
I grumblingly watered houseplants. [Does nobody water these but me?! Every time I leave, the same plants are nearly dead by the time I come home!]
[giant eyeroll at self, followed by "face palm"]
I am certain I am not the only one who does this.
I do, in fact, suspect that this is a fairly common human condition,
but that does not make me any less disgusted with myself.
I think most of us probably wrestle at times with this quandary; this flip-flopping between appreciating proof that the world does not fall completely apart the moment we step out the door, and dismay at all that is neglected in our absence.
I'm sure it's not just me.
But still.....
[face palm, shaking head at my own relentlessly consistent inconsistency!]
Monday, August 13, 2012
The Biggest Loser
I've started watching The Biggest Loser, Season 1, on Netflix with our younger daughter.
Does this show not just make you want to get out and exercise??!!!
And eat right?
Needless to say, after watching last night, I went back to starting my day with fresh fruit this morning! I really do enjoy beginning my day with flavorful, seasonal fresh fruit. Today it was chunks of juicy watermelon. It's just such a good way to start the day. :)
Does this show not just make you want to get out and exercise??!!!
And eat right?
Needless to say, after watching last night, I went back to starting my day with fresh fruit this morning! I really do enjoy beginning my day with flavorful, seasonal fresh fruit. Today it was chunks of juicy watermelon. It's just such a good way to start the day. :)
Saturday, August 4, 2012
When God Spoke To Me...In The Safeway Parking Lot
The few times God has spoken directly to me, it wasn't with a voice of thunder reverberating around me with solemn majesty.
And He never speaks to me like something out of archaic poetry, or the King James Bible. There is no, "Fear not, Beloved Daughter, to approach with joy. Be not afraid to cast thyself upon my mercy."
No. When God speaks to me, which has happened just a few times in my life, it is in a firm voice that speaks within my mind, but the words do not come from my thoughts. It is a surreal experience, but so definite that I do not hesitate to state that it was God speaking to me.
I have just re-read the Attolia series (a set of four books by Megan Whalen Turner, in the kid's or possibly young adult section at the library). We love this series! Anyway, in these books there are a few times when the gods of the main character speak to him. At one point, he complains to a friend that the poets lied; that the gods never speak to him in bold and majestic poetry. No, they say things to him like, "Stop whining!" I laughed when I read that, because I could totally relate.
So, to the Safeway parking lot.
Well, actually, before we get to the parking lot, there needs to be some background.
There was a time, a couple of years ago, when for two or three weeks in a row, I had the absolute best days...on Monday! It was great! Everyone around me was slogging through their miserable Monday-ness, and I was breezing along, having the most blissful time.
On Monday evenings, from September through May, I work in the Awana program at our church, helping kids learn about the Bible. My friend's son was in my handbook group at the time of this story, and he has some challenges in his life. During the time I was having these blissful Mondays, this friend called me on Monday afternoon, a couple of weeks in a row, to say, "He's had a pretty rough day at school. Where are you at with your day? Can you handle it if he's struggling this evening?" And in the peace and ease of my days, I said, "I'm having a great day! I can totally handle it!"
Then there was the dark side of my Marvelous Mondays. I glided through the whole day, smiling and serene, basking in the peace of my own personal day. And then my family came home. And they spoiled my perfect day, with their crankiness, and their outrage over the day, and their very neediness sucking the marrow from my bones. I did not appreciate the way they ruined those perfectly lovely days. I'm pretty sure I even complained to them, "I was having this great day, and then you ruined it!" Needless to say, not some of my finest parenting moments!
Those few weeks of the Mondays of Peace and Sweetness passed by, and soon after, I stopped to visit with a lady I know, in the Safeway parking lot. Yes, we have at last arrived at the fabeled Lot of Parking that began this whole saga. I told her all about my Wonderful Mondays, and how much I enjoyed them, and how they enabled me to pour peace and love on the ruffled feathers of my friend's son...and also how my family just wrecked the whole thing and spoiled it for me.
We said goodbye, and as I walked to my car, God spoke to me, quite clearly, inside the privacy of my own head, interrupting the thoughts that were muddling around in there.
And God said to me....
"STOP BEING SO SELFISH WITH YOUR GOOD DAYS!!!!!!!"
Oh.
Oooooohhhhhhhhhh.
Yet another time in which I felt I should be wearing a big label that said, "It's not about me!" I should probably tattoo that on the back of my hand where I can see it often. It bears repeating.
Yes, those lovely, peaceful days were a gift to me, but they were not for only me. I was feeling resentful of how my family spoiled my shiny mood...instead of loving them from that place of peace and sweetness; blessing them at the end of a hard day!
Oh.
Those lovely days were FOR me, but they were not ABOUT me!
They were a gift to me, but a gift I was supposed to share!!!
And He never speaks to me like something out of archaic poetry, or the King James Bible. There is no, "Fear not, Beloved Daughter, to approach with joy. Be not afraid to cast thyself upon my mercy."
No. When God speaks to me, which has happened just a few times in my life, it is in a firm voice that speaks within my mind, but the words do not come from my thoughts. It is a surreal experience, but so definite that I do not hesitate to state that it was God speaking to me.
I have just re-read the Attolia series (a set of four books by Megan Whalen Turner, in the kid's or possibly young adult section at the library). We love this series! Anyway, in these books there are a few times when the gods of the main character speak to him. At one point, he complains to a friend that the poets lied; that the gods never speak to him in bold and majestic poetry. No, they say things to him like, "Stop whining!" I laughed when I read that, because I could totally relate.
So, to the Safeway parking lot.
Well, actually, before we get to the parking lot, there needs to be some background.
There was a time, a couple of years ago, when for two or three weeks in a row, I had the absolute best days...on Monday! It was great! Everyone around me was slogging through their miserable Monday-ness, and I was breezing along, having the most blissful time.
On Monday evenings, from September through May, I work in the Awana program at our church, helping kids learn about the Bible. My friend's son was in my handbook group at the time of this story, and he has some challenges in his life. During the time I was having these blissful Mondays, this friend called me on Monday afternoon, a couple of weeks in a row, to say, "He's had a pretty rough day at school. Where are you at with your day? Can you handle it if he's struggling this evening?" And in the peace and ease of my days, I said, "I'm having a great day! I can totally handle it!"
Then there was the dark side of my Marvelous Mondays. I glided through the whole day, smiling and serene, basking in the peace of my own personal day. And then my family came home. And they spoiled my perfect day, with their crankiness, and their outrage over the day, and their very neediness sucking the marrow from my bones. I did not appreciate the way they ruined those perfectly lovely days. I'm pretty sure I even complained to them, "I was having this great day, and then you ruined it!" Needless to say, not some of my finest parenting moments!
Those few weeks of the Mondays of Peace and Sweetness passed by, and soon after, I stopped to visit with a lady I know, in the Safeway parking lot. Yes, we have at last arrived at the fabeled Lot of Parking that began this whole saga. I told her all about my Wonderful Mondays, and how much I enjoyed them, and how they enabled me to pour peace and love on the ruffled feathers of my friend's son...and also how my family just wrecked the whole thing and spoiled it for me.
We said goodbye, and as I walked to my car, God spoke to me, quite clearly, inside the privacy of my own head, interrupting the thoughts that were muddling around in there.
And God said to me....
"STOP BEING SO SELFISH WITH YOUR GOOD DAYS!!!!!!!"
Oh.
Oooooohhhhhhhhhh.
Yet another time in which I felt I should be wearing a big label that said, "It's not about me!" I should probably tattoo that on the back of my hand where I can see it often. It bears repeating.
Yes, those lovely, peaceful days were a gift to me, but they were not for only me. I was feeling resentful of how my family spoiled my shiny mood...instead of loving them from that place of peace and sweetness; blessing them at the end of a hard day!
Oh.
Those lovely days were FOR me, but they were not ABOUT me!
They were a gift to me, but a gift I was supposed to share!!!
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